making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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