Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
