Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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