CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
