im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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