Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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