My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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