Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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