i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
