You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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