The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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