I'm lost and stupid without you.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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