the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Panties = found
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
