if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
