I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
