what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
