I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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