i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
