There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
