and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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