why didn't you poke me back
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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