he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
