your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
