She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
