I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize