3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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