Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
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he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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