I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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