I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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