If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize