I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
