That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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