The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
