You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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