woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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