You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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