What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
