last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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