yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
