she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
