Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
