What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
