I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
