dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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