i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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