Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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