He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
