my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
