I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
