Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
