I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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