She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it