I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
