I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
