hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
