i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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