Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
