on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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