Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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