My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
