The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
