I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
