Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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