Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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